Our Sexuality
Is our sexuality a gift from our Creator, or a curse?
Few would consider their sexuality a curse, but some would. Those who have become enslaved to pornography and/or become involved in sexually immoral practices might. Those who have broken the law and been convicted of committing a sexual crime certainly would.
But not everyone who has broken the law (God’s or man’s) with regards their sexual activities are conscious of the consequences resulting from their acts.
Let’s look at this! We are well aware of the consequences of falling unto the long arm of the law! But there is a Higher Court from which none of us can escape! What are the consequences of breaking God’s laws? Well if you are married and cheat on your wife, you run the risk of losing her love and trust. Infidelity is a major cause of the breakup of the family. Even if you are not caught, you rob yourself and your mate of the close intimacy that is so necessary in a healthy marriage. Even sexual fantasy can greatly harm the intimacy between a man and his wife.
What about the single person who is acting out immorally? Does he/she suffer consequences? Yes, both in the natural and in the spiritual. In the natural, you will be in danger of becoming addicted (enslaved) to your immoral activity. There are long-range consequences. Your brain will have recorded those events and will replay them over and over again, causing you to be tempted to repeat your mistakes, possibly later when you are married. In the spiritual realm you will lose the close intimacy we all need with our Heavenly Father. The wages of sin is death! When we break God’s laws we become spiritually separated from God. This results in our losing His peace, and His power. If this happens at a time when we need Him to help us to overcome other weaknesses in our life (like recovery from alcoholism or drug addiction) the results can be devastating.
SEXUAL ADDICTION:
Like most addictions, those who are addicted often remain in denial. How can we identify sexual addiction, and how big a problem is it? I don’t know of any surveys conducted on this issue, but it wouldn’t surprise me to find that among men possibly 90% or more could be classified as addicts.
Would you like to take a test? Do you find yourself drawn to television programs that exploit a woman’s sexual allure? Maybe you are drawn to magazines that show beautiful young ladies in various states of undress? Have you a problem with masturbation? You know it isn’t right. You have tried numerous times to quit, but it has such a hold on you. You tell yourself I’m not going to do that again, but there you are, back again. You feel so ashamed, but you just can’t help yourself; so you begin to rationalize. Surely God understands… He knows what it’s like… He made me this way! When the guilt gets too bad, we have to find a way out, even if it means blaming God! Tell me, has that worked? Has it taken away the guilt and shame? Has it made you feel close to God? I’m sure, if you are being honest with yourself, you’ll admit that blaming God, or rationalizing the sin hasn’t worked. God wants us to enjoy a close intimate relationship with Him. He desires to show us His glory, but how can a Holy God draw close to someone who is lustful?
If your test showed a problem, lets see if God has a solution:
First we identified the problem. It’s lust! “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) Often our failures happen through our thought life. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7a) “Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
Identifying the problem was easy. Learning to be an “overcomer” will require a little more effort. First you need to know in order to win the victory in this area; you are going to need God’s help. This is a problem of the flesh and if you try to overcome it in your own strength, you will fail. Flesh warring against flesh will lose every time. Lust has become a stronghold in your life and you need God’s power to break that stronghold.
How can I get God’s help? Well if you have not been “born again” of His Spirit you can’t. Your sins have separated you from God. A Holy God will not place Himself in the presence of sin. First you must recognize your unworthiness and want to turn from sin to God. Then you must believe that God placed the penalty for your sins upon Jesus. That He died on the Cross for your sins, and that He rose from the dead, conquering sin and death. The Bible says that if you will confess with your mouth Jesus as your lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. (Romans 10:9) When we do that and mean it with all our heart, God takes our sins (every one of them) and casts them far from Himself. He says He casts them into a sea of forgetfulness, never to be remembered anymore. Then He takes that which was dead (us), and makes us to come alive in Him. He uses that same mighty power that He used to raise Christ from the dead to accomplish that. (Romans 8:11, Ephesians 1:19,20) When one is born again, he becomes the righteousness of God in Christ. He literally becomes one with Christ, the Righteous One.
Becoming one with God does not automatically deliver one from the “bondage” of sin. There are many Christians who struggle with addiction problems. Everyone should pray this prayer: Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalms 139:23,24 NIV) Now you have given God permission to help you to overcome in your areas of weakness.
HOW DOES ONE BECOME ADDICTED TO SEX?
It is normal for children as they come into puberty, to become aware of their sexuality and begin to experiment. We learned very early in life how to give ourselves pleasure sexually. Since there is a part of our brain that causes us to return to those activities that gave us feelings of pleasure, it is easy to become addicted to those feelings. Once that happens, we are hooked. The same neurotransmitters in our brains that release endorphins that cause some to become addicted to alcohol or cocaine are activated when we are stimulated sexually. We literally program our brains to activate these endorphins when certain events or circumstances trigger the brain. Thus our thought life can become our biggest enemy. It triggers our brain to release those endorphins.
For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. (Proverbs 27:3a) Our thought life governs our actions. “Sow a thought, reap an action. Sow an action, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a lifestyle.” Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. (Galatians 6:7,8 NIV)
When you see a pretty girl, where do your eyes go? What are your thoughts? I know that before I decided to make the Lord my Master my eyes would automatically go to her breasts, to her crotch or buttocks. Then I would entertain thoughts of being sexually intimate with her. Before you condemn me as being a sexual pervert, think! Didn’t I have a lot of company? The majority of men would say, as long as I didn’t act out on those thoughts, I was OK. There are two problems with this line of thinking. Was I OK in God’s eyes? “Sow a thought, reap an action.” When we who are creatures of habit dwell on these kinds of thoughts, a time will come when we will act upon them. I know that in my own life I became addicted to pornography at a young age. This led to a stronghold of masturbation and infidelity in my marriage. Chasing after women contributed to my alcoholism.
Before A.A. the general consensus was; once a drunk always a drunk. Now we know that alcoholism is a disease and its victims can be healed. Fifty years from now the public will know that sexual addicts can be healed of their addiction. Do you want to be healed? Then look unto God’s Word; “My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.” (Proverbs 4:20-22) For they are life to them that find them, and healing to all their flesh. He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions. (Psalms 107:20) Thy Word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” (Psalms 119:6) 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” Did you get that? We don’t war in our flesh, but using God’s mighty weapons we are able to pull down strongholds and imaginations, and bring our thought life into obedience to Christ.
Two Scripture passages the Lord used to set me free of my addiction were Philippians 4:8 and Job 31:1. The one deals with our thought life and the other with our roving eye. Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” We are to focus our thoughts on those things that are honest and true, and sexually pure. We are to avoid negative reports and concentrate on good reports. “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7a) It won’t be easy to break your habit of thinking impure or negative thoughts, but with God’s help you will succeed. Remember the best way to break an old habit, is to replace it with a new habit. If you do something consistently for 30 days, it will become a habit. Every time you find yourself thinking wrong thoughts, replace them with the Word that you have hid in your heart (memorized).
Job 31:1 Living Bible “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust upon a girl.” This was the Scripture the Lord used to bring me under conviction that I was sinning with my eyes. I said; “Wow Lord, I’ll make that same covenant that Job made.” After I had done that, whenever I would see a girl I was attracted to, I would remind myself of my covenant. So instead of allowing my eyes to traverse to what would make me lust, I would look upon her face, even looking into her eyes. And I would remind myself that she was someone’s daughter, whom they and our Father loved. I would remind myself that she was not just a physical being, but that she also possessed a spirit and a soul. I became interested in her as an intellectual person and I was concerned as to how she was spiritually connected to Father God. In the past, when I was undressing her with my eyes, I eliminated any chance that I might have had to share my faith with her.
These Scripture verses and others the Lord will show you will go a long way to setting you free of sexual lust and addiction. I have learned through years of assisting recovering addicts however that it is necessary to minister to the total person. We are not just spiritual beings, so we must address those issues that deal with the body and soul. Your soul has to do with your mind, will and emotions. Oftentimes events that occurred in your past have caused your mind and will to be bent in a certain direction. Also past events may have caused damage to your emotions. Since we tend to act on our feelings, it is important that we find out what causes us to feel certain things. This cannot be dealt with without personal counseling. If you are in a recovery program chances are you will be exposed to counseling dealing with “Inner Healing” or “Healing of Damaged Emotions.” If you are not in a program, check to see if these sessions are offered at a local church. If you do avail yourself of this type of counseling it is important that you trust your counselor and not try to control the counseling sessions.