Sex Offenders
Perverts! Get that scum out of here! Send them back to prison where they belong!
These are the words of one of our most outspoken critics. When people heard that we operated a program to assist ex-offenders charged with sexual crimes transition back into society, many were outraged. Many feared for the safety of their children. But does it make sense to turn a sex offender loose on the streets without a support group? Does it make sense to deprive a man of the training necessary to live a life free of chemical and sexual addictions?
The amount of media attention given to the horrific crimes of rape and murder of innocent children has both a positive and negative effect on the populace. Positive in the fact that it increases awareness of this threat upon our most vulnerable citizens, and negative whereas it instills unwholesome fear in the hearts of parents. You can hardly turn your television on without being bombarded with minute details of the latest assault on one of our children. Does this mean that there is a marked increase in these types of crimes? Actually the numbers are down slightly from what they were a decade ago, but the sensationalizing of these crimes gives the effect that they are on the rise. However, knowing this provides little comfort to those parents that are concerned about the welfare of their children.
How do we protect our children from sexual predators? This is the heart cry of parents throughout our land today. The general response has been to heed the warnings posted in the newspapers and on the Internet by our law enforcement agencies whenever one who has been charged with a sexual offense moves into the neighborhood. Will this really protect our children from sexual predators? Is there really any way concerned parents can protect their children from becoming the next victim? While there are some things we as parents and grandparents can do, targeting ex-offenders is not really going to get the job done. While the thought of anyone taking advantage of a child makes our blood boil, is it best to try and rehabilitate the sexual offender or to drive him to despair?
In my 23 years of working with those caught up in addictive lifestyles I have learned what it takes for men to put their lives back together and become a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem. Until recently we had a prison aftercare-training center on a 21-acre ranch where we conducted a pilot program for sex offenders. We realize the problem one faces when attempting to evaluate the risk involved and the effectiveness of a program of recovery for those charged with sex crimes. Many would say, “These kind never change!” We know differently, for we know that when God gets hold of a person’s life He changes them from the inside out. Our center provided a compassionate recovery program for those who were willing to learn how to make viable choices, took responsibility for themselves, and strove to achieve success.
A healthy fear of sex offenders is a good thing, but the type of fear we are seeing defies reason. I agree that our country is in trouble, but is what we are doing solving the problem of ever increasing sexual perversions? While not forgetting to be wary of sex offenders, we need not so much to focus on sex offenders; rather we need to focus on the family.
The problem involves the breakdown in our families. Children are growing up without a father’s love. The result has been an epidemic of alcoholism, drug addiction and sexual perversions among our youth. What is the real threat to our communities? These youth having been victimized are now victimizing others. Until mothers and fathers learn to communicate love to each other and to their children the problem will just get worse. It is the breakdown of the family that has led to much of the moral decay we see all around us. The recent outbreak of violence in our schools resulting in “kids killing kids” has proved to be a real wake up call that something is drastically wrong. As usual the politicians have opted for a “quick fix.” We have seen a rash of legislative bills designed to strengthen gun laws, increase law enforcement, etc. There has even been a move to allow a little spiritual expression in our public schools, such as a minute of quiet reflection in lieu of prayer to start the school day. Too little, too late. Those parents who have been deceived into thinking they are loving their children by giving them everything that money can buy, have forgotten that what they need most is to see parents who love each other and spend quality time with them. We have already lost a whole generation of our youth. What will the future hold? Of the thousands of men we have counseled both in and out of prison, it is rare to find one who had a healthy relationship with his Dad. In over twenty years of prison ministry, I can’t remember even one man whom I counseled whose father showed him genuine love. Men need to learn how to communicate love to their wives and children. That is the only way to stop the breakup of our families. That will do more than anything else we can do in protecting our children.
The biggest threat to our children is not the unlikely chance that a predator would attack them, but that they will not be taught how to deal with their own sexuality, thus setting them up for a life devoid of real love and satisfaction. To give you some insight on this issue I quote excerpts taken from an article by Alan Keyes titled “Sugarcoating Poison,” which was published in the July 2002 issue of the Home Times, a newspaper in West Palm Beach, Florida:
“Millions of decent American parents today are forced to wage a continual battle to preserve the innocence of their children, particularly in sexual matters, against a rising tide of morality corrupting influences in the media, government, schools, and in the culture at large. But safeguarding the souls of children largely consists of protecting them from hearing about, or God forbid experiencing perverse possibilities they would never consider on their own. The Planned Parenthood mantra says that the key issue in sexual formation is “education”, treating sexuality as if there is a body of factual knowledge that any 13-year-old can acquire that will make him capable of responsible decisions in such matters. Nothing could be more false. The Knowledge that makes humanizing sexual choices possible comes, in part, from moral experience that is simply not available to the young. Sexual responsibility is a crucial part of moral responsibility. That means it requires the formation of character, and of the ability – among other things – to forego present gratification for future goods. Moral responsibility includes the ability to appreciate the importance of things like honor, decency, and obligation to family that may seem abstract in the short term, but turn out all important to human happiness. It is a simple fact of human experience that the tides of passion begin to swell before the ability to handle those passions can develop. The formation of moral character occurs crucially during the years of maturation and struggle with such passions. The proposal that young children can be beneficially “informed” about and then manage sexual practices is at best utterly morally obtuse. The first and foremost component of sex related education must be family. The first thing that children ought to learn is not physiology, but what it means to be a mother or father and the connection between moral disciplines and the love and tenderness that is shared within a family.”
I also take excerpts from an article by Armstrong Williams titled “A Fathers Responsibility,” in the same issue of the Home Times.
“The fact is, that from ones parents a child learns what love, anger and affection are. A child learns how to navigate and express his or her emotions. A child can also learn spousal abuse, dishonesty and drug addiction. Men who abandon their duties as a father to pursue drugs or some other vice not only show a lack of their own self worth, but also display to their peers their inability to cope with the duties of life. Many mothers, through no fault of their own, are forced to raise children on their own. Likewise, the mere presence of fathers does not guarantee the best home environment.”
Think about your own childhood. What kind of sex education did your parents provide for you? If you are like most of us, your answer will be, “Very little, or none at all.” This is not something that can be left to chance. Too often children get their sex education from their peers who are just as ignorant as they are about love and sex. They don’t know that their sexuality is a gift from God that enhances our lives when used as our Creator intended. They are unaware that the “evil one” uses our lack of knowledge to destroy lives.
“When it comes to our God given gift of sexuality, parents must accept their responsibility of educating their children with regards how to handle this gift.”
It is normal for children as they come into puberty to become aware of their sexuality and begin to experiment. That is why it is important that parents understand the boundaries God has gives for a healthy sex life and impart this knowledge to their children early in life. It is equally important that they role model a healthy sex life to their children. Fathers who watch improper television programs or have pornographic magazines around the house are setting their children up for a fall. I’m not just talking about hard core pornography. Magazines like Playboy or Hustler, or even Sport’s Illustrated, with their swim suit edition, falling into a child’s hand at the wrong time in their life can set up a pattern of lust that will lead them into sexual addiction. I believe the greatest threat to our children in today’s society is pornography. Ever since the sexual revolution came on the scene in the 50’s or 60’s pornography has gained a foothold in our nation. Under the guise of “freedom of speech” greed oriented men have inundated our land with all kinds of filth in print and through the media of film. What started out as a trickle has become a flood of filth and perversion and has created an epidemic of sexual addiction among men and boys. Teenage girls have been influenced to feed the passions of young men as they have been brainwashed into believing that they should make themselves sexually attractive in order to be accepted. Television is playing a major role in influencing our youth. You don’t have to have pornographic magazines in your home. Just check and see what your children are watching on the boob tube. The current wave of “Reality”, television programs are nothing short of pornographic films. Even watching programming that is pretty much void of sexual exploitation or innuendo’s is not entirely safe. The commercials that are shown are using sex to sell their wares.
KNOW THE TRUTH
As you can see it is best not to be uninformed or misinformed about these matters. Our sexuality is a gift from God. Used properly, it is a wonderful experience, but when used improperly it will cause irreparable harm. Yes, it was God who gave us the gift of sex, but not without boundaries. The Bible says that the marriage bed is undefiled. That means that sex is intended to be used by those who have committed themselves to each other in a marital relationship. Because God intended for the man to be the initiator of sexual encounters He gave him the stronger desire for sex. It should come as no surprise to anyone that most men spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about sex. That is the way we are wired. It is precisely because of this that men are more vulnerable when it comes to being tempted towards sexual perversion. No wonder so many men get entrapped in addiction to pornography. Christian psychologist Steven Arterburn has written a book titled Every Man’s Battle, which aptly details the struggles men have in keeping their sexuality in check. That is, providing they realize or care that they are in a battle. I cannot emphasize too much how important it is that men and women be knowledgeable about these matters. The Bible says, “My people are destroyed by a lack of knowledge.” No where is this more true than in the ignorance many have regarding their sexuality.
Our communities need programs that will assist ex-offenders who demonstrate a strong desire to live productive lives. Lives free of all criminal activities. These programs protect our communities from those who might have been a threat if it were not for the help they received.
Resources
Book & Video: The Truth About Life, Love and Sex
FOCUS ON THE FAMILY
800-232-6459
www.family.org
Book: Every Man’s Battle
NEW LIFE MINISTRIES
800-639-5433
www.newlife.com