Sexual Addiction
There are many types of addiction. In fact everybody is addicted to something. Think not? How about food addiction? Have you ever struggled with this? Just about everybody is addicted to the number one of all addictions, sugar. Most of us have a sweet tooth. You might already know that refined sugar is very harmful to your health.
All men have two very strong drives fueling their desire for food and their desire for sexual satisfaction. Is it any wonder that sexual addiction runs a close second to food addiction? Why then are we so surprised about the numbers of those being charged with crimes involving sex? Just as the numbers of food addicts is greatly underestimated, so is the number of those addicted to sex. It is much easier to hide our addiction to sex, than it is to hide our addiction to alcohol, drugs, or food. If all those committing sexual offenses were caught, our courts would be inundated. Our country is facing an epidemic of sexual addiction, and the number of cases reported on the evening news is just the tip of the iceberg. This is not a new phenomenon. It has existed since Adam and Eve. The situation is getting much worse with our society’s bent on sexual freedom. Adding fuel to the fire is the graphic immorality shown in movies and on TV, coupled with the flood of pornography in magazines and on the Internet.
We learned very early in life how to give ourselves pleasure sexually. Since there is a part of our brain that causes us to return to those activities that gave us feelings of pleasure, it is easy to become addicted to those feelings. Once that happens, we are hooked.
Sex Offenders is a phrase that strikes fear in the hearts of many! When we think of those who have been charged with a sexual crime, more often than not, we picture one who preys on innocent children. But, are all sex offenders’ pedophiles? Are only those who have been charged with a crime, sex offenders? Can those who have been sent to prison for violating laws pertaining to sexual acts be rehabilitated? These are questions that need to be examined.
Most people in our society are not looking for answers to these questions. They have accepted the propaganda of those who make their living through sensationalizing the news. If it weren’t for the fact that I have been dealing with those who have been charged with these types of crimes I would be no different in my thinking than the average person. The news media has exploited those crimes that cause our blood to boil, and strikes terror in the hearts of many; the crimes of rape and murder; and crimes against children. Has there been an increase in the number and severity of these types of crime? Unfortunately, yes! When our society accepted the lie that pornography is not harmful, even beneficial, our nation’s laws against pornography were watered down, making it almost impossible to prosecute even the worst violators. Consequently, in the past twenty or so years we have seen a flood of pornography of all forms. This has resulted in our lowering the bar of what we consider to be immoral. One of the ways we can gauge how far society has come, is by our awareness of the type of programming seen on television today as compared with ten or twenty years ago. The result of this lowering the bar of immorality can be seen in all walks of life. We are now reaping what we have sowed! We have raised a generation of sex addicts. If everyone who has broken the law due to their sexual addiction were caught, we could not build enough prisons to house all of them. As one who has been going into prisons for the past thirty years, I can tell you that those who are convicted of sex crimes are for the most part, no different than your next door neighbor.
Sexual addiction is rampant. No where is one safe from its influence. It has a definite bearing on the epidemic of alcoholism and drug addiction. Sex addicts often resort to drinking or drug abuse in an effort to seek relief from their guilt and shame. Sexual addiction causes unfaithfulness among marriage partners, flooding our divorce courts. Christian marriages don’t fare much better than those who are un-churched. Incidences of ministers or church leaders caught up in adultery, or other forms of sexual deviancy, are becoming more common.
What constitutes a sex addict? Since this addiction is more prominent among males, I am only going to attempt to answer this question from a male perspective. It is normal for men to be conscious of their sexuality, and to be attracted to the opposite sex. That is the way we are programmed. Our hormonal and brain chemistry drives are quite normal. We have been given the desire to be sexually active. If you are married, the chances are you were first attracted to your wife physically before you determined there were other characteristics about her that made her desirable. However when we become consumed with thinking about sex; when we find ourselves lingering over the lingerie ads in the newspaper, or watching seamy television shows, we are asking for trouble. Maybe we find ourselves fantasizing about sexual imagery with someone other than our spouse. When our fantasizing leads to frequent masturbation or worse, are we not addicted to sex?
It is normal for children as they come into puberty, to become aware of their sexuality and begin to experiment. It is so important that parents understand the boundaries God gives for a healthy sex life, and impart this knowledge to their children early in life. It is equally important that they role model a healthy sex life to their children. Fathers who watch improper television programs, or have pornographic magazines around the house are setting their children up for a fall. I’m not talking about hard core pornography. Magazines like Playboy or Hustler, or even Sport’s Illustrated, with their swim suit edition, falling into a child’s hands at the wrong time in their life can set up a pattern of lust that will lead them into sexual addiction.
Once one becomes addicted to sex it is difficult to break the stronghold it has on them. The good news is; “there is nothing impossible with God!” Having been a sex addict myself, until I was well into my forties, I know first hand the power sexual fantasies have over a man. When I got serious with God concerning my struggles, He set me free. It has been over twenty years since this happened, and I am still free.
We are always looking for information that will be beneficial to people caught in the trap of sexual addiction. One of our ministry’s sources is New Life Ministries in Plano, Texas. Their founder, Stephen Arterburn, along with Fred Stoeker, wrote a book “Every Man’s Battle.” They recently sent me a copy of this book that tells about the role pornography plays in sexual addiction. It gives some very practical advice on how to break the bondage of this addiction and how to protect yourself from those situations that would cause you to fall victim again. The author points out how even the slightest dabbling in pornography leads to fantasizing and undermines the relationship a man should enjoy with his wife. It also points out that many men don’t consider themselves to have a problem in this area, but upon closer examination see that things they look at in advertisements, showing scantily clad women or what they view on television, can give them sexual gratification that robs their wives of closer intimacy. They also explain how easy it is for some married men to get into trouble due to their tendency to flirt with co-workers or friends whom they find attractive. The writers go the next step and explain how to keep yourself from lusting with your eyes and how to protect your mind. Steve Auterburn hosts the radio call in show “New Life Live” heard on the Moody broadcast network. He tells how they receive many calls from men desperate for freedom from impure thoughts and ungodly sexual actions. For many men though, the idea that they are violating God’s laws concerning immorality never comes into play. We are too good at determining by what standards God should judge us. I don’t think God is willing to cut us any slack in this area when Jesus said things like “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).
What about you my friend? Do you find yourself drawn to television programs that exploit a woman’s sexual allure? Maybe you are drawn to magazines that show beautiful young ladies in various states of undress? Have you a problem with masturbation? You know it isn’t right. You have tried numerous times to quit, but it has such a hold on you. You tell yourself I’m not going to do that again, but there you are, back there again. You feel so ashamed, but you just can’t help yourself; so you begin to rationalize. Surely God understands!…. He knows what it’s like!…. He made me this way! When the guilt gets too bad, we have to find a way out, even if it means blaming God! Tell me, has that worked? Has it taken away the guilt and shame? Has it made you feel close to God? I’m sure, if you are being honest with yourself, you’ll admit that blaming God, or rationalizing the sin hasn’t worked. God wants us to enjoy a close intimate relationship with Him. He desires to show us His glory, but how can a Holy God draw close to someone who is lustful?
If you would like a copy of the book Every Man’s Battle, call or write:
New Life Ministries 830 W. Spring Creek Parkway, Suite 400 Plano, TX 75023
1-800-NEW LIFE
www.newlife.org
We have a teaching titled Free Indeed which tells how God will give you the tools you need to be set free of all life controlling addictions. It zeros in on sexual addictions. We conduct Chapel Services in a number of prisons and every time we have shared this teaching, we found that men are open. They want to know God’s battle plan.